Mary Crilly (second from left)

An Interview with Mary Crilly

Director of the Sexual Violence Centre Cork

Nestled between Patrick’s and Pope’s Quay sits the Sexual Violence Centre, an aesthetically pleasing yet unimposing building. Its formation in 1983, originally as the Cork Rape Crisis Centre and up to a decade ago based in nearby MacCurtain St., heralded the beginning of a shedding of the stigma that continues to surround sexual violence, albeit to a lesser extent today. Director Mary Crilly found that she simply could not sit back as a growing level of sexual violence in the 1980s became evident.  “The main aim of the centre is the elimination of all forms of sexual violence, that may seem impossible but that’s out main aim. The second aim is to provide the best possible counselling to survivors of child abuse, rape or sex trafficking. It’s about getting people out there to understand without putting it in their face.” For example, the upcoming 16 Days of Action against Gender Violence, running from November 25^th to December 10^th, endeavours to do this.

Its emergence was only the second such service at the time, a figure which has grown to 17 centres around Ireland. “All we saw back then really was rape … there was something like 200 reports in the whole country, with about 30 reports of sexual crime in the Cork area. People were looking at us saying “what’s your problem, there isn’t one here, what are you trying to create?” She persisted however. “There was always a girl who people would say something happened to when she was young but we don’t talk about it or a boy where somebody would say I think something was done to him – there were always innuendos.” Figures today tell a different story, where one in five adult women and one in ten adult males become the victims of sexual violence, and only 10-20% of these cases are ever reported to authorities.

The 80s were certainly a time when perceived dishonour was attached to seeking counselling for an emotional problem, a phenomenon Ms. Crilly was well placed to see. “A big difference I’ve seen in 25 years is that the stigma isn’t as big to talk about a personal problem or a sexual problem or any other problem like that.” A unique feature of the centre today is its open door policy. For instance a boyfriend of a girl who has been the victim of rape coming in to seek advice is a regular enough occurrence.

1984 also saw Ms. Crilly encounter her first case of child abuse which initially caused the team concern, and no small amount of soul searching - “Who were we to say to this woman we can take you down that road into whatever black hole you’re going into. That we’ll jump in with you and get you out the other side?” As the stigma began to lift however, cases began to emerge from where they had been hidden for far too long, and so the centre adapted to a relatively new form of sexual violence back then, but an all too familiar manifestation today. Legislation has moved on since 1983, where two years sentences were the norm and male rape simply did not exist for legal purposes, though some might argue they are still too lenient with conviction rates limping between 5-10%.

Mary Crilly (front left)

A day to day scenario might involve using crisis training, which consists of helping someone through a rape situation, making sure they are eating and sleeping, and reassuring the person that what they are experiencing is not in their heads. Ms. Crilly likens it to experiencing a death – “It’s a time when you’re grieving and your emotions are all over the place and you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. You have to reassure them that they’re not cracking up.”

In terms of counselling, Ms. Crilly highlights that men, women and teenagers are all attendees at the centre. At a time when the debacle over out of hours services for at risk teenagers is swamping the media, it is worthwhile to note that it is the only centre in the country that offers counselling to those aged 13 years or older. This lower limit is either set to 16 years or older in other centres, or for the majority 18 years or older. “I find if a young teenager comes in and they’ve a problem, they want to move on it very quickly … and if that person doesn’t get a chance for ten years, by then they might have gotten into drink or drugs, abusive relationships, or been feeling worthless for so long and having that much more baggage when they come in as an adult that it takes that bit longer.” At peak times, waiting lists for counselling can run to 6-8 weeks, but she makes it an unbreakable rule to never turn away a teenager.

It is a complex decision for an individual to decide to come to a centre, albeit a worthwhile one for the victim who will be listened to with respect and care - “You might think ‘I was abused or I was raped, what is the point in talking about it?’ Or else ‘I haven’t had a great life but I’m surviving, if I open this can of worms, how am I going to cope with it?’ There are huge fears about it.”

A particularly difficult issue is one of support in rape and child abuse cases. 80% of those committing sexual assault are known to their victim, with 33% of this figure being either family members or close relations, and 30% being friends or neighbours, thus it can often tear families apart. Ms. Crilly highlights one scenario whereby a person in their late 20s has come in to disclose and report abuse – “I’ve genuinely yet to meet someone who says they want revenge, because they know what the system is like, they know how long it takes to report. What has happened is that they’ve seen that guy linking up with a woman, who has a couple of kids, or he has a couple of kids himself, and alarm bells start ringing. They don’t want it to happen to someone else.” The abuser in this case may be seen as a typical guy – hardworking and generally above reproach, but who likes a certain amount of control without coming across as totally dominant. She compares these perceived characteristics to the abuse victim, who throughout their teenage years would likely have had a difficult time, for instance leaving school and getting into fights. “As far as the family is concerned, they’ve been a total pain, but the abuser over the years may have been defending them and saying ‘Leave them alone.” She highlights that when the person gets up the courage to come forward, “it’s really hard for a family to take in, so the initial response is ‘that couldn’t have happened.’ So therefore they’ll question the victim instead of maybe thinking ‘Oh my god the jigsaw’s fitting”.

Drug rape may be more common than previously thought

“The usual scenario I come across is ‘Ah for gods sake … didn’t you give us enough trouble when you were younger, why are you doing this now? You’ve done everything to us, we’ve had police, fights, school and now you’re after him.’  A variation of the above is where the abuser may admit to some wrongdoing, but will totally minimise his (or less commonly her) transgressions. “Say somebody who rapes a child will turn it into ‘I fondled him or I masturbated in front of her”.

Part of her duties also extends to attending the sexual assault unit, an underutilised resource in her opinion -“Take the scenario of people out from college tonight who are all good friends. A girl gets raped by a guy she’s been in college with for a number of years, and feels nobody will believe her, but more so she will be thinking ‘What did I miss? Because he’s lovely.’ So that may never go anywhere and the small numbers that do are young people who might have been found by guards or friends.”

The issue of drug rape is also quite potent. Often the victims she talks to mention they had a few drinks but can’t remember anything afterwards. Rohypnol, a powerful sedative, is the word that automatically comes to most peoples’ minds, but it could just as easily be the horse tranquiliser Ketamine. While there has never been a proven case of drug assisted rape in Irish courts, she highlights “It could be different alcohol, Valium, sleeping tablets, or illegal substances, it could be anything.” She also puts forward that the fact that Irish laboratories are under a constant strain means that victims who can’t identify or describe their attacker results in a lack of testing and under-prioritisation of the victim’s blood samples, compared to more favourable pending legal cases.

Perhaps one of Ms. Crilly’s biggest bugbears is the fact that victims of sexual violence – more often than not females – are blamed for putting themselves at risk, instead of really seeing them as being vulnerable. “Say two people are walking down Patrick St, a guy and a girl. If a guy gets attacked, tomorrow’s paper will read ‘Have more cameras, have more lights …’ If a girl gets raped, it will be ‘What was she doing there?” Gender disparities are a reality, with 14% of nationwide centre attendees being male. There must surely be an equal if not greater degree of underreporting however. Male rape is a subtopic that is often left unmentioned, such is the stigma, and was even a topic that Ms. Crilly freely admits she questioned was even appropriate initially from a priority point of view, at a time when men were more financially secure and had greater access to most resources. She managed however to face these feelings head on. “I told myself to cop on. Human beings are human beings and if a guy is abused or raped it’s just as bad. How worse could you humiliate a man that puts their whole identity up in the air?” The consequences can be just as grim for males as for females. “I really would worry about a guy harming himself or worse, because unfortunately from a young age women and girls are looking over their shoulder. I think guys have to watch out for a kick in the face or a knife coming at them, but not a sexual assault … a guy can feel confused as to why they couldn’t fight them off, he may be a big strong guy who freezes … you just don’t know how your going to react.”

While experts have disputed for years whether pornography fuels sexual violence, Ms. Crilly comments that “A lot of sex offenders will say they viewed pornography and blame it. A lot of other people can watch it and many will have in their own way.” She despises it but feels that labelling pornography use as an addiction is incorrect. “I can understand where the experts are coming from, but many refuse to look at the issue of choice and human rights – I see this as a human rights issue because there are also young men being used and abused in pornography. It’s not as simple as sexual gratification.” Speaking broadly on child abusers as a comparison, “somebody will groom a child for say three years before they touch them, they’re not in a rush. Now they’re so called addicts, they can’t help themselves … people who look at pornography can do it in the privacy of their own home, they can wait days if they have to without running up the walls. They are choosing to do this.” Her biggest worry is that pornography is being portrayed as an addiction and being used as a defence to get abusers off the hook.

Sexual violence revolves around power and control and ultimately an attempt to inflict humiliation, be it the rape of women in front of their families in far flung wars, or on the streets of Irish cities tonight. Vigilance is certainly key for a crime that can happen at anytime to either gender at any age, and not just in the traditionally assumed ‘dark alley’. Ms. Crilly holds special admiration for those affected by sexual violence - “I think the courage and bravery I’ve seen from these people is phenomenal, because you are walking into a place where you don’t know what’s going to happen.”

The Sexual Violence Centre offers a wide range of services, including access to accredited counsellors. If you feel affected by the above issues, wish to volunteer or support the centre through purchasing a postcard or artwork, contact the centre on: Free Phone: 1800 496 496 or online at http://www.sexualviolence.ie/