Profanity reigns supreme in the adult themed Jack and the Beanstalk at City Limits Comedy Club Cork. In a theatre calendar packed with stalwarts like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast, this racy approach to the timeless tale of a boy and his beans offers a breath of fresh air that is sure to entertain and offend in equal amounts.

Jack and his mother eke out a living with the help of their trusty cow, but it is here that Director Trevor Ryan departs from the moral high ground seen in Benjamin Tabart’s original 1807 version. As well as producing milk, Gravy the buxom cow (Marie O’Donovan) also dishes out plenty of cheek. O’Donovan succeeds in convincing the audience of her character’s extreme disdain for the dodgy dealings that follow, in a manner that would work well in mainstream panto.

This alternate version also sees a well-chosen Jack (Sebastian Thommen) having had the misfortune to be blessed with a less-than-optimum IQ, meaning he is even more easily led astray than his predecessor. His tortured ‘mother’, a term that can only be used loosely in this case (handled with aplomb by Peter O’Mahony), is at her wit’s end, thanks to tax increases by the cruel government of the land (empathising with the audience always wins them over).

They attempt to recoup their losses through selling a certain herb, which attracts the attention of the panto equivalent of the Revenue Commissioners, headed up by the wicked sorceress Viper Serpentine (played by the versatile George Hanover). Chaos ensues, as it should, when good and evil clash. She is assisted by her henchman Tinkerballs (script writer Adrian Scanlan), who delivers some of the most memorable lines of the performance, though a portion waver between poor and appalling in taste. The irritatingly upbeat Princess Random (Angela Newman) runs interference by constantly introducing irrelevant (if hilarious) information.

The venue, already quite intimate, is made even more so by a clever layout. If you dislike audience participation however, it may be best to lurk in the shadows. A series of props that could have been sourced from Ann Summers, along with a handful of outrageous musical numbers, further lighten this extremely modern retelling.

The stalk used to reach the giant’s lair may also be in danger of coming to the attention of Cork’s Drug Squad before the end of the run. Video clips scattered throughout the production are over-used, but equally the audience are treated to some wonderful tongue-in-cheek film tributes.

If you’re looking for wholesome, family fun, perhaps a stroll through the Christmas market on the Grand Parade beckons. If you seek a deliciously inventive and saucy retelling that lets you swap budget woes for magic beans, then Chattyboo’s Original Adult Panto may be right up your tree. Will you regret it? Oh no you won’t!

Strictly over 18s Running 13th-15th, 20th-23rd, 27th-30th December and 2nd-7th January @ 8pm City Limits Comedy Club Cork
Tickets: €15/€12 group rates available. Bookings call 089-4427883

A student society is refusing to be S.A.D. this holiday season.

University College Cork’s Healthy Living Society (or Sláinte as they are better known) has launched a campaign to fight Seasonal Affective Disorder, which runs from the 21^st to the 25^th of November.

S.A.D. is more commonly known as the “winter blues” and usually appears in the autumn months, before lifting as spring approaches.

The condition, which is caused by a lack of exposure to sunlight, is believed to afflict more than two million people in Ireland and the UK. The hallmark symptom is feeling unusually depressed, but fatigue, craving unhealthy foods and sleep disturbances are also common.

The population’s natural response to Irish weather conditions is the main cause, says PRO Officer Ruth Hanley, a final-year Occupational Therapy student. “We batten down the hatches and lock ourselves away from the misery of an Irish winter. We want to raise morale among the student population.”

Natural sunlight is needed to increase the amount of serotonin, the feel-good chemical, in the brain. The tendency to avoid the elements however means the sleep-inducing chemical melatonin can rapidly increase, leaving much of the population feeling low.

Solutions to combat the condition include spending more time outside during daylight hours, eating healthily, exercise and reducing stress. Sufferers can also purchase light boxes, which simulate sunlight, to boost their mood.

To aid in cheering-up the student population, several events will be hosted on campus throughout the week. The campaign begins on Monday 21^st of November with a discussion hosted by the Irish Advocacy Agency, which will include speakers with personal experience of depression.

Frowns will be turned upside by the Comedy Society on the 23^rd of November. Highlighting that outdoor exercise can offset S.A.D., the Canoe Club invites braver students to partake in kayaking on the 24^th. Speed dating at UCC’s New Bar also promises to be an emotional experience, organised by the Psychology Society.

The event is being hosted in collaboration with many other campus groups, including the DJ, Choral and Film Societies, and is sponsored by the mental health website Reachout.com.

Sightings of the Grinch have been reported on campus  – and no, it’s not the feast or famine scenario with the public buses that serve Cork Institute of Technology.

Togher Garda Station has advised students that McCarthy’s Bar and the Bishopstown Bar, two stalwarts of what one student coins “Armageddon around B’Town”, have withdrawn their support for C.I.T. Christmas Day. Superintendent Charles Barry highlights that “Both licensees have given the courts a sworn undertaking that no students would be facilitated on their premises.” The move comes on the back of an objection by the increasingly vocal Bishopstown Residents Association to the renewal of the pubs’ liquor licences.

The unprecedented agreement is Christmas come early for the Association, who have long since campaigned for the end-of-term celebration to be reined in. College authorities have refused to endorse the event, which usually takes places on the last Thursday of November, for the last four years running. Last year’s festivities sparked outrage due to the high volume of fights, littering and general antisocial behaviour.

Sentiments among CIT students differ.

One remarked “It’s going to happen if they like it or not. Students will have house parties or find other pubs. I feel that every student going to CIT should have at least one Christmas day.” Another said “Last year was my first year in CIT and I was disgusted. I saw a guy being kicked in the face and a girl so drunk she passed out, along with the puke, blood and piss on the pathways. Why should people have to live near that?”

It seems the spirit of Christmas is spreading, depending on where your opinion lies. UCC’s RAG Week is now subject to an annual “Garda Crackdown.” Only a few weeks ago did students at NUIG vote to put an end to RAG (Raise and Give) week, an event that has caused similar concerns for local residents. The pay-off for this (outside of a drop in donations for charity) is support from the college authorities to create a marshalled one-day festival event, as well as a sizeable increasing in funding for the Student Assistance Fund.

Since there are more than two pubs in Bishopstown, how effective the measure will be is debatable. This aside, given students are now more likely to start drinking earlier at house parties, it may have unintended consequences. Whatever the complaints of locals, up until now there was at least minimal supervision by bar staff and Gardaí, which has now been further eroded for what it was worth. All parties must surely be keen to avoid a repeat of the tragic death of UCC student Gary Murphy in 2009, who died after consuming over ten pints and a large amount of vodka at a house party in Cork.

Ultimately, most students will drink responsibly on the day. Those who want to binge will do so, no matter what barriers the authorities put in their way. This is always the same story, be it UCC, CIT or NUIG. At best this move serves to water-down trouble in the Model Farm Rd. area for a portion of the day, with a move to drinking at home or in town earlier.

Will residents in the estates where the hardened drinkers live find this early present to be like the one you get from that distant aunt – unwanted?

Cork band Fred in action at Electric Bar

A scene reminiscent of the Beatle's 1969 rooftop concert unfolded high above the Lee today, where startled Corkonians could have been forgiven for mistaking a fantastic four for the Fab Five.

Then again, the fifth member could technically be counted as one Joanne Collins, presenter and co-founder of the Cork version of the globally renowned BalconyTV (John Hugh being her partner in crime). This Irish export has become a staple on the music scene of many cities, but only exists thanks to Stephen O' Regan, who came up with the idea of putting bands on balconies in 2006, to considerable success in Dublin and beyond.

BalconyTV Cork seeks to emulate the success seen in other cities by providing both established and raw musical talent with a platform twice a week (Tuesdays and Fridays) - the clips below may help you decide if they are achieving this objective. Certainly the omens are good, with the small collection of fans and journalists (it is a balcony after all) being treated to an intimate display of talent, which seemed to keep threatening skies at bay until the set had finished.

Internationally renowned Cork band Fred launched BalconyTV Cork with the upbeat We Are The City Now:

Fintan Lucy from Mayfield, Cork, with the haunting The Is and Was and Maybes:

Anto Yau, an Irish/Chinese singer and songwriter who hails from Dublin, with backing from Tipperary native Bubba Shakespere (Cian Morris) performing the poetic Cocaine Dealers:

Keep your finger on the pulse at http://www.balconytv.com/cork as upcoming live acts from Electric Bar on the South Mall are announced. The coming weeks will see Cork native and lead singer of My Evil Ex Dylan Fitzgerald, and Wexford native and award winning Lynda Cullen, take centre stage on the balcony. 

Video copyright: BalconyTV

Image(s) copyright: Thomas McCarthy

Many things in life come down to one simple determinant - time. This is particularly true in the case of Troy Davis, a man who will be executed in the state of Georgia within the next six hours...

Davis, who has always maintained his innocence, was found guilty of the murder of off-duty police officer Mark MacPhail, and sentenced to death back in 1991. Fast forward to 2011, and the seemingly endless series of appeals that swamp such punishments have finally run out, the Georgia State Board of Pardons and Paroles having decreed he is to be put to death by lethal injection at midnight Irish time.

Cries for mercy continue to flood in from around the world, with protests and vigils currently ongoing in downtown Georgia and even as far afield as London. More than one million people have signed the various petitions that have sprung up in defiance of the sentence. Vociferous calls for clemency have also come from high profile personalities, including Pope Benedict XVI, Jimmy Carter and even our very own Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Why, you might ask?

Whether or not you are for or against the concept of a death penalty for certain crimes, the crux of the matter is that since Davis's conviction, seven of the nine witnesses have changed or withdrawn their testimonies. In addition to this, no DNA evidence was ever linked to Davis, nor a murder weapon found or fingerprints matched. How a man can be executed on this basis beggars belief - this is America remember, not some despotic regime.

If you feel like making your voice heard, join Amnesty International is expressing your displeasure by emailing the Georgia Parole Office.

Comments welcome below

Paul O'Donoghue(left) and Richard Scarsbrook (right) entertain at Bedtime Stories

A mass exodus began in Bantry over the weekend. For the geographically desirable, it involved a mere stroll across Main St. For the more displaced, a jaunt up the N22 was required. Those blessed with sturdier shoe leather presented their passports and boarded for distant climes.

As another successful chapter closed on the West Cork Literary Festival - now in existence for over a decade - a band of literary and literally satisfied travellers embarked upon their journey home. The increasingly popular festival has once again revelled in a melting pot of visitors, clamouring to attend a diverse range of events, workshops and discussions. Well known literary giants held court, including Peter Sheridan (Borstal Boy), John Boyne (of The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas fame) and John Banville (The Sea), in addition to a host of experts in the fields of journalism, crime, short story, and screenplay writing amongst many others. On the surface it almost seems impossible to decipher what common factor draws so many passengers in. Take the journalism workshop for instance. The qualifications of the fledgling freelancers were as varied as their obsessions - horticulture, radio, documentaries, US politics, history, photography, academia, health and tabloids. 

This weekend sees Fitzgerald’s Park in Cork transformed into a Mecca for food lovers. The extensive marketing in the run up to this event promised culinary delights of both local and exotic origin, live music and the craic we all long for after a tough working week. My visit yesterday confirmed that on these menu items, the event certainly did not disappoint. Thanks to the good folks in a rapidly expanding city centre pub in Cork aimed at the party animal in all of us, myself and a handful of friends had been given free tickets to attend.

As we approached the entry point on an incredibly sunny Thursday evening, there was a definite buzz in the air. Nestled behind the wrought iron enclosure that separates a unique Cork institution from the rest of the world, a vast collection of tents, stalls, pop-up restaurants and punters awaited our perusal. A beautiful and lively mixture of aromas drifted out to greet us, no small matter to a Cork man who had skipped his dinner specifically for this event. A small queue had formed at the gate, which is always a good sign. It was only then that I noticed the pricing structure for the less fortunate. At peak times (e.g. Saturday and Sunday for instance), entry on the door to the average Corkonian will cost €25! While admittedly this is a very well planned out culinary village, it must surely irk the amateur food critics and the half-starved that such a levy grants nothing more than entry to the venue.

As you enter the park, you are encouraged to buy “Corkers” – a unique selling point of this event is the production of its own currency (1 Corker = 1 Euro). Initially I remarked to my fellow connoisseurs that it was a crazy idea – why go to the bother of printing expensive colourful booklets, when they could simply use Euros as God intended? Still it did create a feeling of uniqueness about the event. I handed over a crisp twenty euro note in exchange for twenty Corkers and began my assault on the moveable feast. The real reason gradually dawned on me and I began to realise it was a stroke of marketing genius. Handing over four Corkers for five tiny prawns (I kid you not), or five Corkers for a bottle of Corona, is far easier than paying with Euro, because it’s like playing monopoly, or gambling online using “play” money. It thus becomes incredibly easy to convince yourself you are not actually parting with real money.

To be fair, not all stalls offered poor value. The Cork Brassiere for instance presented a sizeable portion of calamari for a reasonable enough price, as did another selling gourmet burgers, but on the whole many vendors were found wanting. Probably the worst offender we observed was one local specialist in meat products amending their prices upwards on their usual billboard. Perhaps the earlier news of Greece’s never ending economic woes had rocked the exchange rate of Corker to Euro?

While there is a better value offer at certain periods (e.g two tickets for €30), I think most people would balk at having to pay the two to three times the average minimum wage just to enter a park that is normally free, only to be forced to part with even more for the actual food. If this event allowed free entry, then I think I could accept paying a little over the odds for the wonderful array of food and beverages on offer of which the quality appeared to be unquestionable. After all there is no better time to be supporting Irish businesses. However, I predict this event will not last into the future. The way the pricing set-up is currently, you’d want to be corking mad to fork out the equivalent of a sizeable meal in an actual restaurant for what you get in return, if paying full price.

The above negatives aside, it was still a good day given the free entry, the great company, the buzz in the venue and the food I could afford.

Verdict: Quality food marinated in greed.

Andrea Corr and Barbara Brennen (used with permission of the Gate Theatre Dublin)

It’s tough being the black sheep in a family obsessed with drama, theatre and acting. Having spent one too many Christmases being forced to endure the very many literary classics that have made it to the big (or not so big) screen, the thought of going to see Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre in the Gate Theatre unnerved me somewhat. Still, we were in Dublin for a concert of my choosing, so my other half thought it only fair that we also partake in something a little more towards her leaning. That and the fact that my aspiring thespian of a cousin was part of the cast (which I admit openly in the interests of full disclosure) sealed my fate.

The Gate is a quaint and intimate theatre just off Parnell St., and is probably only one of the few in the country that encourage patrons to drink tea as much as alcohol, as the legion of china cups and saucers on display will attest to. Not to fear however, as a full bar service caters to all needs.

Now to the cast – two big names jump off the billing of course. Stephen Brennan is the male lead, commanding an extensive career in theatrical productions such as Waiting for Godot and Pride and Prejudice. More recently you may remember him from the Tudors and the Clinic. Andrea Corr presents as the other lead in what left critics initially quite surprised. She is probably best known as the lead singer of the Corrs, that trio of rather lovely Irish ladies (sorry Jim) with the voices of angels and the looks of … well angels also. The band is currently on hiatus, but it is my fervent hope that they will rise once again … but I digress. We are here after all to discuss the weighty matter of the performance.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Jane Eyre begins with the plight of a young orphan, forced to co-exist with extended family in the form of an uncle, aunt and a trio of cousins, all who dislike her to varying degrees. This unhappy fate continues well into her boarding school days, from which she eventually emerges as a teacher, going on to accept the position of governess. It is here that she encounters Rochester (Brennan), her troubled employer. They fall in love and aim to marry, but all does not go to plan… You’ll have to attend the show to find out how it all ends, but the story is quietly gripping, involving a ghost, a case of blindness, and a healthy inheritance.

The supporting cast all perform well (with certain members in fact playing multiple characters), assisting an admirable portrayal by both Corr and Brennan, though whether Corr was the best choice for a character that is traditionally supposed to be quite plain is debatable. Similarly, Brennan is perhaps a little wide of the mark of being forty years of age, as intended by Bronte originally.

These minor issues aside, this is an enjoyable production, with Corr’s time as a musician obviously standing to her in terms of confidence and stage presence. Equally, while Brennan could not be faulted as he tread the boards, several fans I spoke to afterwards were a little disheartened when he emerged from the theatre with a baseball cap pulled tightly over his eyes and a determined fixation on the floor as he ignored his fans. Nonetheless perhaps the poor fellow was simply tired. This production has after all now been running for several months. The end is in sight, with the curtain finally closing on January the 29^th, so get in to see Corr and co. before it’s too late.

Despite two distinctly poor warm-up acts, Electric Six more than made up for this shortcoming at their recent headliner gig at The Academy, Dublin. The Detroit six-piece, who thrive on blending a curious mix of disco, rock, falsetto and probably a half-dozen other genres I am unfamiliar with, arrived as planned thanks to a lucky break in the arctic weather which had fans worried they would be unable to travel from a gig the previous night in Glasgow. The band enjoyed mainstream success back in 2002 with the rather memorable “Danger! High Voltage“, vaunted as much for the risqué video as for the song itself. “Gay Bar” was released to similar aplomb. Indeed a quick glance across their eight albums reveals a myriad of songs obsessed with disco, dance and devilment. 

Having somewhat faded into obscurity on European shores, the release of their latest offering Zodiac has seen them embark on a worldwide tour which thankfully included a stopover in Ireland for the second time in as many years. Having missed out last year due to unprecedented demand for tickets, I was determined this time around not to be deprived.

The Academy was the perfect venue for this intimate gig. To describe the band as merely on form does them an injustice, with front man Dick Valentine (real name Tyler Spencer) and Co. in playful humour – the situation very nearly got ugly when the band began to say their farewells after half an hour on stage a la Guns and Roses, only to call our bluff and bounce right back out into another number.

A sudden diversion into Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” also caused gasps of incredulity, only to once again function as a vehicle for Mr. Valentine’s wicked humour. His trademark face freeze – go ahead and look up “Electric Six Live” on YouTube for an eerie example – went down a treat, though some were unsure of how to react to the leering grin etched on his face.

Pitch perfect renditions of hits like “Nuclear War (on the Dance Floor)“, “Synthesiser” and “Naked Pictures (Of Your Mother)” were well received by an awestruck audience. Inevitably, the newer material also made an appearance, including “American Cheese” and a cover of “Rubberband Man“, originally by soul group the Motown Spinners. Thankfully, they stood up to the scrutiny of the most ardent fan – there was no question as to who was the Dance Commander on the night.

The gig was a little shorter than what most might be used to, but I’ll take 90 minutes of pure entertainment any day over a jaded band plugging the life out of their golden egg. The only shame of it is that it will likely be another year before we see them again on Irish shores. In the meantime, if you have not dissected their previous albums, you’re in for a treat (or a shock depending on your sensibilities). 

All in all, it was a most satisfying experience. I was, however, left with one burning question at the night’s end – why do they keep starting fires?

An Irish winter can be a cruel and unusual brand of beast. The winter of 2009 which brought the country to a standstill could in fact happen again according to Positive Weather Solutions. One day of snow is picturesque, but beyond that would be the icing on the cake, particularly in the wake of a frankly terrifying budget. Who wants to make a prediction and prove them (hopefully) wrong?

Image: Hal Brindley / FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Ah.... sweet H20

Like it or not, water is a requirement for us all. Even the hardiest of humans who can survive without food for weeks and months would perish in a fraction of that time in its absence. Water is a multi-million Euro business, with supermarket shelves weighed down with the different brands of bottled water on offer, alongside your TV blaring the latest ad, demanding that you take the two-week challenge (and buy their brand) to cleanse your system with sweet H20. This is the task I have set myself, though I will not be forking out upwards of €1.50 for an over-priced "premium" brand. I will instead be partaking in the local or "tap" variety and report back here regularly. At it stands, I drink quite a lot of tea and coffee, though I have cut back of late. I currently drink about half a litre of water outright each day, not including the water contained in fruit, veg and even tea depending on which expert you believe - some say it is dehydrating, others that it is hydrating. I aim to drink 2 litres a day whilst cutting back to two cups of tea daily. I hope to feel less fatigued after the two weeks, enjoy clearer skin and to get my hands on some of the boundless energy the poor saps on the ad appear to have. Let the experiment begin!

Edit: As a testament to how difficult it is to change one's habits, it is now October and I have reverted to my old ways - too much coffee and not enough water! I thirst for change - time for another try?

“Me? Attacked by a shark?” you mutter incredulously. “Never going to happen.” Until it does. Thank Mr. Murphy for that one – “If anything can go wrong, it will.” A question on the minds of many is how to survive the unlikely (but possible) scenario of an attack by these carnivores. Imagine that you, along with your loved ones and assets, are floating in a sea of green.

Everything looks rosy until your buoyancy aid (or bubble) bursts and you suddenly find that shark insurance premium you purchased all those years ago (including one to last you into old age) has become worthless overnight. Neighbours languishing in this lagoon have had varying luck. Depending on what class they were checked into originally onboard the Fin Fails, some have been fed to the fishes long before, a particularly cruel fate for such travellers, disabled from reaching the lifeboats. Others have encountered some rather fishy pay increases to match their fare rise or enjoy the formidable figure of an unsinkable short-sighted whale. Visions of jet-skis (which are significantly more fuel consuming than a Ryanair flight I might add) are not uncommon. One sailor has even been lucky enough to procure an amphibious vehicle (it must be the sea faring version of a golden parachute with additional seating for lucky colleagues), thus fending off the sharks - at least for now.

Everything is at stake, from welfare to food supply (dairy, grain or catch of the slain), very nearly been sent to the bottom by careless captains. How to avoid a fate similar to the less fortunate in the shoal? It will be difficult, particularly as these sharks enjoy snipping away ever so gradually at your most likeable parts, though they’ll hit the Budget before the Bridge.  

It is paramount to keep your eye on the shark at all times for they often seemingly withdraw only to sneak back up on you soon after. Playing dead in the hopes the predator will go away is foolhardy, and besides, your state neglected lungs may give out in the meantime. Uncoordinated beating of the beast on the snout is a common misconception, more akin to cutting off your nose to spite your face. Rather strike at the gills or eyes (the nerve centre of any shark), preferably with some form of implement, even if all you have is a placard.

We are in unchartered waters and the way forward is unclear. A healthy dose of free information along with bidding one’s time in favour of a wise vote may yet prevent a call to abandon ship. A little water is a sea to an ant, but size isn't everything. The whale is endangered while the ant continues to do just fine.

If all else fails, there’s always swine flu. Who knows, maybe it will sink any pirates in the Leinster Aquarium.